Posted by: VoiceinRecovery | June 2, 2010

My June Mantra: Live Today & Stop Tackling Myself

June Mantra: Just for today, I will try to live through this day only & not tackle my whole life at once :) Baby steps

I am a person who has always been a big thinker, an idea person, a business entrepreneur, knowing I was not a worker bee. My destiny I thought was to run a Fortune 500 Company when I was 10. Dreams change, but ambition, focus, and expectations on self never go away, at least for me anyways. It is in my personality and temperament to WANT everything NOW. I am impulsive and have high expectations for myself. Once I know what I want, I want to achieve it now. I also may change my mind a lot and then want the new wants now. See a pattern here?

I often tell the people I mentor, and support that Recovery is about baby steps. The little choices and decisions we make and behaviors we choose to do, all matter because it helps us move along our own individual journey in recovery and life. I honestly believe in my own recovery I had to take it slow, recognize the little things that helped and not get too wrapped up in the big picture & future.

I am currently struggling with finding peace in the baby steps. I know the journey and goals, but sometimes my path changes a lot. I want the end result, often forgetting the journey is what life is all about. I am able to recognize when things happen, or chance encounters happen, that “things will happen as they are meant to” but I often get trapped in the “am I doing enough to get to my goal” thinking. It is a trap. I recognize that. It is an unreal expectation to have everything I want in the future right now. It also clouds the ability to recognize the blessings and gratefuls when they occur. It takes me away from being present in life.

I have so many things I want to do in life, personally and professionally, and I see everyday little changes that are bringing the two closer and closer. Two years ago the gap was huge, a bridge wasn’t even foreseen, let alone built. Today I can honest say the bridge is being built, to where I have ideas, hopes and dreams, but the ultimate destination is foggy.

I want to stop and smell the roses. I want to be present and recognize I do not need to do Today everything in order to reach my ultimate destination. I think this is a lesson for Recovery and life. I want to be able to recognize successes, say my gratefuls (which I do nightly on Twitter now), and stop putting this ridiculous pressure on myself to be all that I can be today. I know this is who I am, to have high expectations, but I fear if I don’t take moments to process the baby steps, I may not be following the right path for me. Who is to say this ultimate FINAL destination is right for me in the future? Maybe my path is supposed to change or grow in different directions, and if I believe in things happening for a reason, perhaps I also need to stop and have a little faith in not only my abilities, but the Universe delivering its gifts in the proper timing.

I am sick of the “shoulds” the “could haves” the “enoughs” that run through my head on a daily, moment to moment basis. I am sick of criticizing myself if I decide to take ME time and do nothing. I hate questioning if I should be doing this, or that, and feeling guilty if I take a few days off work to spend with my Dad, or time with my guy, or time to watch TV. I know these self expectations and pressures will not go away, but I am going to make June the month to FIGHT this and counter the thoughts with positive reinforcement. I want to be mindful, not self-critical, I want to reach my goals, but I also want to enjoy life. I want to be able to read the novel s I want to, take the trips I want to, spend time just doing nothing to breathe and connect with myself. I want to actually live this life in the NOW and not only focus on the future. I have worked so hard in the last two years, and I honestly believe and know I am going towards a wonderful future where I can help people, but I don’t want to lose myself, my purpose, or the miss the lessons along the journey.

How about you? Do you struggle on the journey only focusing on the future? Do you take time to smell the roses? Will you join me during June to try to live through this day only & not tackle your whole life at once???

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Responses

  1. Oh my god YES. I am with you. Seriously. I have a near panic attack everytime I think about all of the secret things that I am up to – you know the things that don’t *actually* pay the bills but feed my soul and thus I work on every single possible second I have because I am so deliriously sleepy that I am actually walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel. And I’ll tell you, building an empire is a lot of effing secret/time consuming work. I need to slow down and just live in today, because tomorrow comes quickly enough. xoxoxox.

  2. Whilst I’m still not sure what I’m heading for, I can relate to lots of this and especially the difficulty – and importance – of being in the moment and not always checking that we’re doing what we *should* be doing….which is, as I keep reminding myself, all subjective in any case!

    This is a great reminder to slow down and enjoy the journey; something I’m sure lots of people will relate to. xx

  3. Oh brother, you dont how much this fits me. I tackle things all at once, then get upset when I don’t do them. I had a near panic attack at work the other day because I had a difficult call. My sup tells me to be patient, that it takes time to learn what the seasoned people know. I don’t want to take time. I want to know it now! I’m studying to brush up my rough spots.

    • I think us overachievers have a hard time when we PUSH ourselves and think we do not need a learning curve when learning new skills. Glad it resonated with you. I too struggle with this but I have to repeat to myself “breathe, it will be ok, do one thing at time” :)

  4. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Julie Parker, VoiceinRecovery. VoiceinRecovery said: Thanks! RT @JulesyParker Great post by @voiceinrecovery about taking time to stop, smell the roses, and just "be." http://bit.ly/acnIfI [...]

  5. I struggle with this a lot, especially lately. I find a hard time trying to find a balance between loving the journey and goal setting. Small goals provide me structure but I have to be careful to keep my goals small and focused on getting through today, not get worried about 5 year goals.

  6. I’m very much an immediate-gratification person, and it’s something I’ve been working on changing for a long time. Over the last couple of years, I’ve noticed that my patience has grown and my enjoyment of “process” has increased many times. While I’ve always been a huge believer in the idea that life is about the journey, not the destination, it’s been hard to apply that to my work, art, and various other projects. Coming to terms with being slow is proving quite rewarding lately, and I’m finding I rather enjoy it. :3

    • I ABSOLUTELY agree!!! When I have moments of extreme gratitude for things “falling into place” i realize I need to chill out and enjoy the progress! So hard wanting the immediate returns but in the long run we miss so much. Glad you are coming to terms and finding it rewarding!

  7. Talk about timing….just as my class schedule is up in the air once again and I am more than struggling to stay just in the moment. I keep thinking about next school year, or how I’m going to pay off my debt to the school in time and meanwhile ED has used this for the worse (although I won tonight!).

    This is an awesome idea and I’ll definitely join in, it may be hard, but if it’ll help prevent more nights like tonight, I’m up for it!

  8. We are soul sisters. I get it, I live it too. I made a list (my coach’s homework to me) of all the things I’ve accomplished in the last year. It was pretty amazing.
    I’ve watched you do some pretty amazing things over the last 18 months or so. You kick ass and I am proud to call you my friend.
    xo

  9. I love this post. This is something that is really hard for me.. I am very similar to you. It us hard for me not to think of the big picture… And when I do it never ends well. I am really trying to take it day by day. Baby steps. Baby steps.

  10. Check out my latest blog post. I mentioned this one!!!

    http://thebingediary.blogspot.com/2010/06/no-one-else-can-feel-it-for-you-only.html


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