I read this post today by @edrecovery called “ED Recovery and Growth In Spite of Our Doubts” and it made me start thinking about a lot of things. This quote especially resounded with me “You have the power to choose your lessons, to grow at your own pace, and to build a life that you feel great about.”
I have a lot of things on my bucket list for ViR that have been nagging at me lately. Almost weighing me down. I have these large goals, vision board material in a way, of what I want to do with ViR. I am facing some struggles with money, creativity, innovation, inspiration, etc. and I keep putting pressure on myself and the Universe to send me BIG answers to the answers in life. I think I have forgotten that life isn’t only surrounding ViR, advocacy, recovery, or social media. My life is a vast colorful palate. I forget to step outside the world in advocacy and see the Universe just may be sending me small lessons, whispering in my ear what I need right now, at this very moment, and I may be too busy looking for the Universe to yell in my ear about what I am wishing it would. Life’s answers are funny. I asked the Universe to guide me, send me some inspiration, guidance, and excitement. I was never clear on the details. So am I listening if I am listening with tunnel vision??
I was reading this article on HuffPost and it touched upon this question: What do you want out of life, really? I had to take a moment and step back and really think about this. I constantly ask myself what I want out of ViR, but what about me? My life? I giggled a few weeks ago, when I told my guy “I wish I lived in a movie sometimes, with a music soundtrack, with inspiring statements, and insights into the life of a character.” I like the pretty wrapped package of stories, written with beginning, middle, conclusion, and always the appearance of insight. If there is one thing in life I THRIVE on, it is on insights into life. I feel insights bring about change, make me able to face fear, drive me to want to inspire others, and help me figure out what exactly I want in life.
Here are a few of my CORE things I want out of life:
- I want to inspire/motivate/empower people to find their voice, and pursue their journey in life, in recovery and in life.
- I want to be a loving and supportive daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, friend, mentor
- I want to make a difference in life
- I want to continue to push myself, to grow, to be challenged in my thinking
- I want to live the life I define, the one I pursue, the one that works for ME, and never settle for anything less
- I want to travel, meet new people, and experience life to its absolute fullest
- I need a partner who will challenge, inspire, motivate me, and one who is inspired, motivated, and seeking their own passions and goals in life
I am inspired by:
- My family
- My boyfriend
- Advocates, Actionists, Activists, #RecoveryWarriors
- My mentee
- People who are fighting to live the life that is RIGHT for them
- People sharing their voices
I am Grateful for:
- The love and support of my family
- My boyfriend, who loves, supports me and was a huge part of saving my life
- Supportive social media friends
- I have the ability, in each new day, to make new decisions that will guide me towards the future I want
Looking over this list I realize, it is the small things that are the big things in my life. I never want to take for granted the many blessings I have in life. In the past week I have been given a few gifts and think I haven’t really been listening! I was at dinner at Thanksgiving with my guys parents, and we went around the table to say what we are thankful for. When it got to me, I thought I had the answer “Recovery and sobriety.” What I realized, as I was talking, was that I was truly grateful for my partner, the person who has been with me the past 3 three years, through thick and thin. I know we have our issues, like every couple, but considering what we have been through, it is a true blessing to be where we are right now, in this very moment.
Three Thanksgivings ago, before we moved to Boston, I had just gotten sober (November 12, 2007) and had just started recovery again hard-core. I went to his parents’ house 1) nervous 2) scared 3) unsure of whether I would be able to handle ALL of that in a setting I was not comfortable in. I had printed out the NEDA and Something Fishy recommendations for people in recovery, and read it before going to dinner to calm myself down. Now here I was, three years later, and honestly in such a different place, I hardly recognized the person I was three years ago. That is the true blessing in recovery, the ability to transform my life into something truly wonderful. And I had this partner, who had supported me, by my side all these years later. He is part of the reason I am alive today.
We were at dinner the other night, and he said “I am truly happy with our life here, with you, our life is really good. I love you so much.” This was the first time he had said this since we moved back to California, and maybe the first time in our relationship. Boston was so HARD on us, with school, no family, no support system, a foreign location, no friends, and medical school whirlwind, and ViR creation. Now in Cali, he feels settled, and truly loves our life. Those are the messages I need to be listening to in life. The small comments are the ones that mean the most.
I asked for inspiration and support and a “light” from the Universe. I just may not have been listening at the time to the answer, or the package it was delivered in. The answer is clear: I have what I need, at this very moment, to be happy with where I am and who I am. Nothing “needs to happen” in order for things to be just right. I just need to let go and accept that I am exactly where I am meant to be, and this is a good place to be.
These lyrics today inspired me by First Aid Kit “Heavy Storm”
A new day awaits me.
I could be gone today
A new day awaits me
We could be here to stay
I believe these three questions give incredible insight:
1) What are the CORE things you want out of life?
2) What inspires you?
3) What are you grateful for?
I believe that living in this moment, right now, is where life is happening! Don’t wait for things to be just right to start something, to pursue your dreams. Start now. Find your passions, what inspires you and go for it. Don’t live in the “what if’s” or the “shoulds.” Ask the Universe for some guidance, and be prepared for answers that don’t come in pretty packages. Listen to the whisper.
Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time ~ Leo Buscaglia