Posted by: VoiceinRecovery | December 23, 2010

Accountability

Written by ViR: Dolores Schwartz (@GettinFit_Bah_D)

Blog: http://myinnermuse.wordpress.com/

I started a blog post (five in fact) And it wasn’t jiving with me.  I even had a case of writers block…

Talking about recovering from bulimia is hard…  But, I want it to talk about it…  I want people to know about the harm, bulimia has on the body both physically and mentally.

Then, today I saw a tweet about New Years Resolutions. The light went off!!  Like most people I make them, and like most people I never keep them. (Then you have those that just don’t make them at all… And that’s ok too! I’ve had years like that!)

Except last year.

I kept every single last one of them!

I resolved to become accountable!!

I got healthy!

I allowed myself to make mistakes!

I allowed myself to be human!

I went back myself loving myself!!

In 2009 I almost died from what was supposed to be a “simple procedure”,  I am 34 and I had to get a partial hysterectomy. It was far from simple,  I walked away with; Pulmonary emboli, a stay in ICU, two weeks in the hospital, two pints of blood later …  Not to mention my year recovery process,  oh and then the domino effect it had on my health.  I went back into the hospital a month later to be diagnosed with pusedo tumor cerebri.  (Say that fast five times! Ha)  Oh, I am just warming up!

That’s when I was told, “if you lose weight it will help your condition” I died inside. I thought about all the abuse I had ever done to my body.

All those years of laxatives, bingeing and purging, diuretics… I needed to make serious changes! I couldn’t live like this.. My body still needed to heal.

My soul…

My mind…

Finally.

Healed.

I got out of the hospital with another round of meds on Dec 31…

Where I made this promise to myself.  “To get healthy once and for all!!

Once I was cleared of all the blood clots I was going to make a call to my friend a personal trainer (I needed that push.. And that’s ok to admit that! That was my accountability factor…  She was saving my life without even knowing it!)  and I was going to forever abandon my old ways… I was going to be in “control”…!!

I took control over my life…!  Did I have triggers – absolutely!  Everyday!  But, I had to abandon my old ways…  If I wanted to live healthy!  That was my goal!

How did I do it?

I was accountable! That’s all!! And when I would start to think about reaching for a laxative or binging… I would think about how far I’d come and how proud I was of the person I was becoming.

I make it sound easy!  It’s not.  It’s a long hard road.  I am not going to sugar coat.  You never know what your tomorrow holds.  So, cherish each day! Respect your body!

One day you will need it to be strong!



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Responses

  1. This post brings tears to my eyes… both for the struggle you’ve gone through and for the feelings it provokes about my own struggle. Sometimes, it’s the overwhelming awareness of the damage to our bodies done in the past that makes moving forward difficult. The overwhelming feelings tend to lead to the destructive coping skills. But finding a place of compassion and determination to be kind to the body we’ve so readily inflicted torture upon… the same body that is doing the best it can to support us no matter what we do to it. These same feelings can help us move forward in kindness toward our bodies.

    Thank you for a wonderful post.

    • My struggle had been long and hard… And coming face to face with all the abuse I had done to my body was a wake up call! Thank you!!

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Amy Kiel, Patrick Bergstrom, VoiceinRecovery and others. VoiceinRecovery said: New Guest Post by ViR @GettinFit_Bah_D "Accountability" http://bit.ly/eVCM6u #RecoveryWarriors #fitblog #mhsm […]

  3. Wow, amazing story! So glad you found a way to get better! I, too, struggled with bulimia for many years and found that being accountable to someone else was the key to recovery. For me, accountability came in the form of a Twelve Step program. It’s been working great for more than 11 years now! Thanks for sharing, and I’m glad you’re doing well.

    • 11 years! Wow congratulations!! 🙂 that’s awesome! Thank you so much for your comment!!

  4. Oh my word. This has really touched a nerve for me. 2 months after I got into recovery from binge eating disorder I almost died on ITU following a hysterectomy. It was supposed to be relatively simple, yet it was far from that. I remember waking up and saying please don’t let me die I have 4 young children to live for.

    The journey of recovery isn’t easy and I’ve certainly hit massive bumps in the road at times. Yet at other times I’ve coped with major life problems with serenity.

    Even today I commit my food plan to a recovery friend as it keeps me accountable. Like you I achieve my new year’s resolution each year. In the past I never did …. and it was always the same one – to reach my target weight.

    If anyone is feeling dispondent don’t give up. The rewards are really worth it once you get through those early days.

    Alison

    • No, my recovery is far from over… But, it makes me a stronger person… Having a hysterectomy changed my life in so many ways… You know, you understand… So keeping those triggers at bay is even harder… I will keep on workingon getting healthy both physically and mentally! Thank you for your comment!!


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