Posted by: VoiceinRecovery | January 4, 2011

Give Light to Dreams: How I See Light & Inspiration Everywhere

Don’t Wait! Start on your dreams, your impulses, your longings, your special occasions today. Because this is your moment.
 ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

I feel so inspired lately. As if the shadows have been parted by some much-needed light. I love illumination moments. I was watching The Tudors and fascinated by the lighting by candles at night. So much has changed, we can literally flip a switch and the light goes on. Time changes how light is delivered, but no matter the source, I find light in darkness to be mesmerizing. I love the contrast, the ability to see the darkness in the background and the light always there to help you see. In life, we are surrounded by many forces of nature, emotions, environments, and all of them are diverse in light, shade, darkness. In order to experience life to the fullest, we must see in all places. In recovery and sobriety I am able to see truly, and experience fully, in darkness and in light, and all those places in between. I can be present and SEE the truth of my feelings

I love night-time. I love walking outside to see the stars, reminded at how small I am in this Universe, and it often puts perspective on how small my problems truly are. I love candle lit bathrooms, dimmed lights in the living room. Most of all of LOVE the night hours. I feel my head is the quietest, I feel inspired, motivated, and truly alive. I have never been a morning person, but the night is MY time. I used to stay up later than everyone, it gave me “me time” where I could be alone with my thoughts. I am most inspired at night, and have recently found inspiration in the day as well.

When I was drinking I couldn’t see anything; when I wasn’t eating and drinking, I couldn’t feel, be present, or aware of my surroundings. I sought to escape reality, and now I seek to embrace life to its absolute fullest. What am I going to be when I grow up? What do I want to do in the next year? What goals do I want to pursue? These are questions that used to paralyze me! I didn’t think I would live to 30 and here I am in my 31st year and truly excited about the possibilities of life, because I am living.

Never give up fighting for recovery, for sobriety, for your fullest life possible!!! Never…..Ever….Give…Up.

I thought things were never going to work out, that I was destined to be a fuck up, destined to be nothing more than a drinker, who would stop eating, all to grasp at the bullshit control I thought I had. I had nothing in my eating disorder, nothing when blacked out on booze. In 3 short years I have gained my life back, while now being able to SEE, FEEL, and experience all the light this world has to offer.

When I was young I knew I was destined for greatness. I saw the building with the word “Entrepreneur” on it, asked what that was, and knew that was what I was going to be. I went on in High School to be the VP of a Business Club DECA and compete locally and nationally. I loved it. I went into college with my major picked out, Business Economics. I knew all of these things were right. When I got out of college, I accepted a job because I thought we were supposed to do the 9-5. It was in accounting and I thought it was a step in the right direction, even though it wasn’t what I truly wanted to do. I love numbers, they make sense, spreadsheets bring out the geek in me, and I love that everything will add up in the end. There isn’t any grey in account. And at that point in my life (ok I still struggle with this today) I loved black and white. A few years into accounting and I knew I hated it. I wasn’t doing what I loved. But I know it was more than that. I was drinking, trying to control my eating, staying in co-dependent relationships, and I wondered why I wasn’t happy. Duh. In the distance I can see this all clearly. I still do accounting, and I can see the pros and cons of the job. I can see black, white, grey, light and dark. I know why I do it, and love the flexibility of it not being a 9-5 job, but I am craving more.

ViR gave me inspiration, motivation, support and guidance. It gave me my recovery and sobriety. It is work I feel is so important and it feeds my soul. Don’t get me wrong, recovery work is hard work, but I know this will be a part of my life going forward. ViR has given my life light.

The pit of my belly is telling me new things are in the horizon. That I just need to be open to the Universe. I want and know I will be an entrepreneur. I am already starting my ViR goals and within two weeks will be able to check off at least one of my professional goals. That feels amazing. Now I want to pursue other entrepreneur paths. I am not sure what that means at this point, but I am ready! I know ViR has a lot of work, and anything I do is entrepreneur in nature, and I am hoping to pursue this path. Who knows! I will work to grow ViR because this is my passion in my life, and for inspiration and motivation I need to be a business person. I hope to not always have to work a job in an office, but for now it is a wonderful opportunity, the work may not always be challenging, but that is why I have ViR and outside interests. I think it is incredible that I have a full resume for my business career and have a full other persona in social media, and they both are powerful and important. I just linked my LinkedIn account to my business, and social media ViR work. That is weird, and unsure how that will go, considering those I work with in the consulting field can see my ViR work.

I am me. I accept me. All of the things in my life I am proud of now. I am ready to embrace all of my ViR social media, blogging, advocacy, and integrate my business side. Because if there is anything I have learned in the last ten years, there are MANY opportunities, in careers that do not exist within the 9-5, one job world. We don’t live in our parents world. I would love to be a writer, speaker, advocate, entrepreneur, life coach, and embrace all those titles eagerly, no matter where they end up.

I determine my destiny. I set the goals in my life. I am capable of all I imagine. I am not afraid of failing, for there is no failing if I learn and grow, and get back up and keep walking. I believe in all of you to live the life you imagine! I hope to show through my life, my words, my ups and downs, that life in recovery is so much more than just recovery. I LIVE. I LOVE. I fight. I dream. I empower. I grow. I fall. I stand back up. Life is dynamic, and recovery after eating disorders and sobriety is worth it. I can not express this enough, life matters.

Do not give up on yourself.

Do not stop dreaming!

Keep fighting for the life you want!

Give light to your dreams every day!


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Wendy Sheppard. Wendy Sheppard said: RT @VoiceinRecovery Give Light to Dreams: How I See Light & Inspiration Everywhere #RecoveryWarriors #mefirst #mhsm […]

  2. This reminded me how I used to be full of despair as I used to believe that I was only a success in life if I weighed 9 stone. All my dreams were measured by my weight and nothing else, so of course as my weight climbed I felt such a failure.

    Yet once I got into recovery my life changed so much and so rapidly. Today there is no comparison. Only last week I was sharing my recovery story and so many people came up to me afterwards and said what an inspiration I was. My story is one of extremes and my addiction took me to some pretty grim places. Today success has nothing to do with a number on a scale! If I can help one person find recovery through my story then it has all been worth it.


    • Isn’t it absolutely amazing? I am so proud of those who fight for recovery. You sharing your story is so empowering and gives hope to many! Your voice is needed. Recovery changes life because it gives us a life 🙂

  3. Wow! This is so what I needed to hear. Thank you for sharing what’s on your heart.

    • You are welcome hun xoxo

  4. I love this Kendra. You are such an amazing inspiration and I’m sure you’ll succeed at whatever you have planned.

    It truly is our choice to see (or not see) light and inspiration everywhere. It’s there if we look for it and once we start looking it surrounds us.

    I’ve been catching up on the Tudor’s too and love all of the candlelight although I’m glad we have indoor plumbing:)

    • I know how hard it is to lose the light. I also know now that seeing is up to us. I hope by sharing my story and life that it can inspire to believe the life they want is possible 🙂 I too am glad for indoor plumbing lol

  5. What an inspiring post that screams ‘Look what you can do when you believe in yourself’ to all who read it. Thanks Kendra!

    • Thank you so much Julie!!! It is so important to believe in ourselves! I thought that was total BS until recovery 🙂

  6. Thank you. YOU are such an inspiration

  7. I also entered accountancy as an area I thought would suit me. Even when I had to quit my job five months in as I’d faced such isolation in my new location (a blue-collar town with a lot of low-level crime and almost no culture), I repeated the mistake and took another job in finance requiring relocation.

    I’m now five months into that job, and am on the brink of handing in my notice and starting the process of becoming a personal trainer. And from my own battles with my body (though always, thankfully, short of clearly requiring an ED diagnosis – but it was touch and go for a while, and I still face anxieties over diet and exercise), not to mention my university studies in feminism, I am aware of the pressures that so many face, and believe I can eventually specialise in helping those in recovery, or better yet steering at-risk individuals away from self-destructive exercise patterns in the first place. (I also hope to specialise in training disabled clients – and as someone with an autistic spectrum disorder, and related coordination difficulties that border on dyspraxia, I can appreciate that in a way other PTs cannot.)

    You have definitely been an inspiration. Unlike you, I did not know that entrepreneurship was for me at an early age; what I did know is that I thrived on independence, but also on both rationality and helping people. This career move lets me follow all three, and move back to my campus community to boot!

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