I Choose Sanity

I wrote this poem a few years ago. I often wrote poetry when I was struggling with ambivalence. I would go back and forth from wanting to recovery, and yet not wanting to stop the behaviors. I had moments of darkness and moments of light. This is my “light” moment.

I Choose Sanity

i walk slowly to the light
knowing the journey will not be easy
but i refuse to sit and do nothing
because i am worth every step i take

i may fall backwards
and want to give up
to give in
but these fleeting thoughts i will let go

i will let go of the desire to be perfect
to accept who i am in this journey
to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel
that i am worth the journey

it may be hard
i may cry
i may feel pain
but these moments to shall pass

a little walk is better than sitting frozen
i may take two steps back and one step forward
but this is ok
it is ok to be who i am

for these are just moments
and they too shall pass
i refuse to give up
and be defined by it

for i am more than i can see

i choose to see me in my loved ones eyes
to see what they see
to believe in that
and to one day get back to that place in my own mind